What we have been doing so far in Resurrection month

Making “homemade silly putty” which turned out not to be silly putty, but fun to play with nontheless.

Making breakfast on our own…these two boys make me proud to be their mommy.

hugging kittens

Playing outside on an old swingset which was only recently reassembled.

And last but not least playing in the mud…there is a story about this day…perhaps for another day. It’s late and I am not feeling so well so this us all for now.


For Those Singles who Seek to Understand and Better Befriend Married…


I started this post, and started over, 3 times.  I’m not exactly sure why it’s been such a hard one to write…. here’s to hoping 3rd time’s the charm, and not 3 strikes, you’re out. I’ve prayed over these blogs, and it is my desire that they might promote better understanding between singles and married in our churches today. Please note: this is not to compare our lives with yours. My hope with this blog is to provide a place of “oh I get it!” for you, so that you may be able to help and encourage each other.

I feel like I began married life with my eyes wide open, and yet still pretty naive about many things.   There were things that didn’t surprise me about marriage, partly, because I’m a reader, and I had read several good books on the subject (something I highly recommend if you are dating, it does help). Plus listening to great advisers and watching my own parents marriage sure did help.

There were on the other hand many things that did surprise me. I wasn’t expecting the differences.  Our family cultures were different, but even more so the culture differed greatly between the state I grew up in, and the state in which I was married. I also wasn’t expecting the kind of homesickness that was so horrible, it actually affected me physically.   I had been away from home before, but not on a, “this is most likely my permanent home” basis. I wasn’t expecting, the loss of the many people I loved so much, how much I would miss my families, and friends hugs, the smell of my mom, my pastor’s sermons, my dad’s motivations, cutting up with my brothers and sisters, and calling up that friend and inviting myself over to her house because I knew I could.  I missed the holidays, traditions, marriages, funerals etc. There’s more that could be said on this, but that’s another post for another time.

I never “expected” what came with my first pregnancy 3 months into our marriage, being sicker than I’ve ever been in my life, and ending up in the hospital throwing up blood, dehydrated, miserable, and wanting to die, if not for my baby inside me.

Despite the difficulties, that first year brought me closer to my husband and to God.  My husband was wonderful through it all.  How great it was to have a best friend, who even clean up my puke when I didn’t make it to the toilet! He prayed with me and for me, and made me feel so loved.   Then to have that baby and it all be worth it, for this most precious little bundle I loved so much it hurt.

The quiet house was hard for me.  Coming from a loud family of 8 and being the oldest, there was always someone to talk to.  Suddenly, it was me and my husband and he had to go to work, even in the evenings there were often things he had to do which didn’t involve me.  I was by myself so much of the time.

Fast forward to now, 6 children later, we’ve muddled through many tough waters, and I believe we are the better for it.  There were some hard years\months. Right now life is overwhelming, life is sometimes tough, and life is wonderful.  I can still say I wouldn’t trade what I have for anything!


So took the same questions I asked my single friends, and ask them to my married friends, and only rephrased them to fit.   Here are the questions with some of the answers, some are summarized or shortened.   These are not necessarily all the answers or exclusive to this survey.

Question # 1

What are some of the difficulties of being married vs. when you were single?

-Laying down my selfishness

-Not having those times when you can just do things you want to do.

-Having to let go of things being done the way I would do it.

-Laying down your dreams of how you thought it would be before you were married

-A lack of freedom to travel, keep your own schedule, change jobs, earn an income, and move to a new church or location at will.

-freedom to spend my money as I want

-sharing family times

-not being able to see my family as often as I would like

– (with little ones) going anywhere, even to the grocery store is so difficult

-the mundane tasks  


Question # 2

-What are some of the benefits of marriage?

-Having a partner in life.

-Praying and reading God’s word together.

-Going on adventures together.



-Someone to help repair the car, and do heavy duty things around the house.

-Someone to help with financial decisions

-Spending my whole life with my best friend

-Someone to share the joys and sorrows of life with

-Being provided for, and relieved of the need to work outside my home every day.

-A strong arm to lean on

-How it strips you of selfishness

-A better grip on contentment

Question #3

How does your church family reach out to you?

Just like for singles these answers really varied. From my church family doesn’t reach out to me at all to my church does an excellent job at providing meals when I’m sick or have just had a baby to providing encouragement through different avenues.


Question #4


Do you feel like you have a voice in your church?

Again answers vary here with some feeling like they do and others feeling like their husband has a voice, but they don’t really.   Since I did not send this to men, I can only assume that men would feel more overall like they have a voice.  


Question #5

Are there any ministries you feel you cannot be a part of as a married person?

   Answers were pretty much the same here.  Many expressed the fact that ministries are always a joint effort with their husbands because he will most likely have to make sacrifices for them to be involved in ministry outside of the home. 

  Those with children either have to take them along to wherever they are ministering which in many cases makes them feel as though they cannot be as much of a help, or they have to find a babysitter which in some cases seems kind of pointless.(why get someone to babysit when they may rather just volunteer in your place.) They may be able to leave them at home with the husband, assuming he has no plans in the evening or is willing once again to sacrifice in this way. 

     Some expressed it is also harder to ministries that involve other places with your children.  It means extra tickets, uprooting them for a longer amount of time, or finding a place for them to stay while you and your husband go alone.  The latter you can’t do for any length of time.

     Others feel that as long as they have children there will be certain ministries in which the church would not even consider them.  This is not a bad thing, necessarily, but tough when it’s something you have done in the past and/or are passionate about, or are gifted in.

Question #6

Is there anything you wish your single friends would understand about marriage?

     Here I wish to post exact quotes from 3 different friends because I thought they spoke from their hearts to answer this question, and they were just too good to “summarize”.

     “I wish they would remember that marriage does not solve all problems – it does not free me from insecurity, loneliness, or body shame. It does not fill my love-tank perpetually full. My husband is amazing, but he does not always understand me or respond with the “right thing” that makes life okay. I still need other people. I still cry when no one finds out about it. I must still seek Jesus, most of all, for my sense of worth and belonging.”

     “That’s it’s meant to be forever, taken seriously. Society makes divorce seem like such a typical way of life. Very few put in effort to make it work. Being PATIENT and diligent in    prayer! Be ABSOLUTELY sure that the person you marry is the one GOD chose for you.”

    ”It isn’t all roses…I feel like some women look at my life and think that because I’m married, I’ve got everything I could ever wish for. You still have to deal with unmet expectations and unfulfilled longings. If you can’t learn to be happy/fulfilled as a single person, chances are, you won’t be happy as a married person either. And you’ll make your husband miserable if you expect him to fulfill all your hopes and dreams.”

Question #7

Is there anything you wish single people wouldn’t ask you?

-Why can’t you do so and so referring to how you respond to your husband for instance or take care of your children?  Insinuating it should be easy…

-Not sure about asking, but I wish sometimes that they wouldn’t assume they know how they would raise my children.  It’s so different when you live with them 24\7.  I had many ideas of how I would raise my children and then I had them and realized it’s not near as black and white as I used to think.  I welcome advice if it’s given in the right spirit, just realizing it’s not easy.


Question #8

Is there anything you wish your single friends would ask you?

-I wish they would ask me how I’m doing and feel like they care about my day of cleaning up that huge mess with my children, even though I know they would love to have a child to clean after…our difficulties are different, but I still think we can sympathize with each other as friends.

-I don’t know specifically, but I hope they are never afraid to ask me questions.

-Questions about my dreams, who I was and am, sometimes I feel I lose my identity as a person.  I love when single people still see me beyond my “married\mother” status

Question # 9

Do you ever wish you were single, or are you at a point in your life that you are pretty content with where you are at?

83% of the participants in this survey admitted to having fleeting moments of wishing they were single, but most of the 83% admitted not wanting to go back to being single when they really thought of it.  Most expressed a desire to be content, but discontentment can sometimes sneak up on you unaware.  It’s then that we all single and married alike have to remember where our real source of contentment comes from.

     So I end my blog on this note. Whether you are married, or single, bond, or slave, Jew or Greek, 😉 there are joys and sorrows, victories and losses, easy and difficult. Whether married or single,  we need to seek to understand each other because we are brothers and sisters in Christ. With a little imagination most of us can step into the others shoes for a moment, and I think we need to do this more. Singles we need you. We delight in you. We cherish you!  Married we need you. We delight in you.  We cherish you!  


      “Empathy is about standing in someone else’s shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place.”

–Daniel H. Pink

For those who Seek to Understand and Better Befriend Singles…

They say to write about what you know.  I hardly know what it means to be single any more. Marriage for almost 11 years has put my single-hood into the distant memory that looks like a beautiful, foggy day with a rainbow.  This is true especially,  when I am deep in the trenches of motherhood.  However, I dug back into the recesses of my brain, and remembered…

I remembered what it was like to celebrate those “romantic” holidays without a significant other. Watching friend after friend marry and wonder, “Will it ever be my turn?”  “Will I know when it is the right one?”  “Will anyone ever like me in that way?”  “Why hasn’t it happened yet, when it has happened to all my friends?”   “Is there something wrong with me?”     I’ve heard this a lot from my single girlfriends.  Because there feels like there must be a special significance to being “chosen”  in this way by a good man.

I also remember the pain of some of your friendships changing when marriage happens.  This is good and healthy, but hard.

There were also the decisions you had to make all the time about which way your life would go.  Would you choose to work that year?  Where would you choose to work?  Would your work be about making a living, or more a volunteer service–ministry type occupation?  Should you go to school?  Should you go for that,  that, or maybe that?  Should you go into the mission field and where?  So many decisions…exciting, yet frightening, so much of your life depended on you  making the right choices.

The things I appreciated especially looking back was…

I had lot’s of choices, irony this…

Excitement of not really knowing what was around the bend.

I had many opportunities to minister.

I had lot’s of alone time.  (This may not be the case for everyone, but for me it was true, and I might be comparing the alone time I had than, compared to now, which may or may not be fair.)

I had lot’s of opportunities for learning.

I could enjoy other’s children and then send them home at night.:)

So this is pretty much the extent of my own experience with singleness, but I wanted to go much deeper. So I chatted to friends and put out a survey for a bunch of my single Facebook friends.

I am going to go down the list of questions and randomly answer some of what was said, some of the answers were similar and some were polar opposites.  I felt so blessed by those that took the time to answer my questions, and it gave me a glance into the beauty of their brokenness as well as their wholeness.  I’m hoping I can give you a glimpse into their hearts so that we may be better Brothers and Sisters.  Some of these questions were answered in surveys, some I have gained from talking and listening to single friends.

Question # 1.

What are some of the difficulties of singleness?

–Going to special functions alone.

–Being seated at the children’s table instead of with the adults at holidays

–Going through the romantic season alone, Christmas to Valentines Day.

–Going to good restaurants alone.

–Being treated or feeling as if something is wrong with you because you are single.

–Having no one to share life’s burdens with.

–Having no one to set up house with.

–Not getting included in “married things unless there are other people involved.”

–Getting used to a room mate in order to make life more affordable.

–Having to share the load of finances, housework, out door work, and everything alone.  Unless you have a room mate…see above.

–Dreams of child bearing slipping through one’s fingers as every year passes.

–No one to care for you when you are older.

–Lack of romance.



Question # 2

What are some of the benefits of singleness?

–Freedom to make your own choices for the most part

–Being able to pack up and go some where I want randomly without having to check someone else schedule.

–Deciding how to spend my own money

–I always get to be with my family for the holidays.

–Plenty of time to spend with friends and family and nieces and nephews.

–Not as many people to worry about.



Question #3

How does your church family reach out to you?


–words of encouragement

–making sure I know I matter

–accepting me for who I am
Question #4
Do you feel like you have a voice in your church?

–This is where we get polar opposites, some saying they have no or very little voice in the church others saying that yes they feel very much like their opinion matters.  I would say for the most part we as a Church could step it up when it comes to making sure single people know they are being heard.


Question #5

Are there any ministries you feel you can not be a part of as a single person?

–Again you get very differing answers here, from absolutely feeling like they are not an asset to their church to feeling like they are used wherever they are willing.  Some areas mentioned as not being used very often were.

–pastoring a church

–worship teams

–Youth sponsors

Question #6

Is there anything you wish your married friends would understand about singleness?

For these answers I used some exact quotes that I felt give really good incite to what you feel as a single person.

“I think mainly we just want to be treated as individual people, and not pitied or lumped into a specific groups.. We also don’t like it when people assume we have lots of free time because we are single. Occasionally, it is truth, but often I am the one called upon by my siblings, parents or friends to do random babysitting or other tasks for the very same reason, add that to work, etc., and it still makes us busy people.”

“I have a lot of friends who got married at a young age; I have grown into a 30 year old adult as a single woman. It’s hard! But I can do big things and be respected as a single, Christian woman.”

“The most difficult thing is that married people insinuate in actions/small groups and such that you cannot be an asset to their lives by not including you unless for some reason other singles are involved. I don’t mind that people try and set me up even though at times it can be a little annoying it all depends on ones heart.”

“Honestly, the worst thing is when people treat you like your broken or with pity (as a second thought) rather than just being treated like any other friend. I don’t want pity I just need friends like anyone else….its easy for a single to spot fake charity vs real attempts at friendship.”

Question #7

Is there anything you wish married people wouldn’t ask you?

–Why is such a nice/pretty girl like you still single?

–Are you dating anyone? (you will be told when they want to tell you)

–Are you sure you aren’t being too picky?

–Questions that always involve marriage or dating or a significant other.  .

–Have you meant (enter a guy who they would never have considered for themselves)?(I may be single, but do you really think that I am that desperate?)

Question #8

Is there anything you wish your married friends would ask you?

Ask me about what God is doing in my life and my ministry, or work.

Ask questions that make me know that you see me as a significant person with or without a significant other in my life.

Question # 9

Do you ever wish you were married, or are you at a point in your life that you are pretty content with where you are at?

–For the most part this question was answered with a, “Yes, I would like to get married some day, but am trying to be content with where God has me in life right now.”

I want to end this blog with an almost exact quote from one of my single friends who is who I consider a “Hero of the Faith”.  I took some of it out as to not reveal her identity.  She has been serving God in various ministries for years.  As I did not get permission to give her name.  I will give her quote as anonymous, but I thought she said so beautifully what I wish to communicate through these blogs.

“At one point I did struggle with others not understanding me…, but then came to the conclusion that it’s better to seek to understand than to be understood. And maybe that could be said no matter what station we find ourselves in. There’s always something beautiful He’s working out in and through us…and it seems that moving us beyond ourselves plays a big part in that.”–anonymous

So true, and may we all seek to understand!

P.S. Singles if you think of anything more feel free to add in the comments.

Where have I been?

It’s been ages since I have written on here.  Not because I haven’t had anything to write about.    I have been exploding with things to write.  However, due to plain busyness a mom of 5 experiences, and mostly to problems with my website, I have had extreme difficulty with blogging.

Now, the website issue has been resolved, and I at 33 weeks pregnant, have been given an express command by my doctor that I must rest as much as possible, so I will attempt in my resting to catch up on some writing.   My next two blogs are based on a subject matter I have felt God wanting me to write about for a some time, Seeking to understand singleness, and the ups and downs of “wedded bliss”.

Why? you may ask is a “wedded bliss” person diving into a pool of singleness and even attempting to write their ups and downs.  Well, several reasons, first, I have a lot of single friends whom I love very much,and I have felt frustration at the misunderstandings that sometimes occur between us.  I  write this in an effort to understand their paths more. The reason I am doing both blogs is to hopefully help us to understand each other a little more, and to reach out to each other on a better level.  Finally, my sister who is beautiful, single, encouraged me in this direction.  We will blame our failure or success on her. 😉  (kidding sis, just kidding)

So after doing some research, I am attempting to write these blogs.  I do not claim to be an expert, so many may disagree with me.  Also, these are in no means a way of comparison.  In fact I beg you not to read it with the “Oh, they think that is hard? They should try this!” mentality. It’s so easy to look at another persons life and see all the good and not the struggles.  We married people may long for the freedom and opportunities a single has while a single person may long for the comfort of a stable loving relationship, and children to love and be loved by.  My attempt in my blogs is for married to look at the single’s path and have some understanding of what they face, and single’s look at a married’s path and have some understanding of what they face.  Now, I know there are so many variables in different people’s lives and I have no time to go into the single mother, abusive husband, etc.  Just pure singleness and marriage.  Hopefully, I have not tried to do too much with too little here.  I’ll let you be the judge.  I am only being obedient, so coming soon to a blog near you, I hope…..”For those Seeking to Better Befriend Singles”

Happy Birthday Sweeta Chalita!

This precious little is our little sunshine, who is not afraid of anything, stands her own ground, and is the only one brave enough among her brothers and sisters to pick up a chicken.  She adds so much life and fun to our family, is always on the go, loves to help mommy, and is the drama queen of them all. She hates bugs and snakes, but loves the color pink, her big sister, and anything princess.  We love her so much and can’t imagine our lives without her.  Happy Birthday sweet princess!  We are so glad God brought you to us!

It is the best of times, it is the worst of times…

  • “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.  ”
  •                                                            — Charles Dickens version from A Tale of Two Cities

In loo of bedtime…

LaDonna Nice’s version from A Tale of Bedtime

It is the best of times, it is the worst of times, it is the time they want to speak and hear much wisdom, it is the time of silliness,  it is the epoch of hunger, it is the epoch of thirst, it is one wanting a night light, another wanting total darkness, it is the spring of hope for parents for a few moments of solitude, it is the winter of despair when the moments of solitude are continuously interrupted, we have everything before us, dishes, clothes to wash, floors to sweep, books to read, a bed to fall into, we have nothing before us,as the time slips away, to clean the dishes, wash the clothes, sweep the floors, read the books, fall to bed, and it all becomes nothing as we snuggle our dear littles, one last time,they will grow up to soon,everything else is nothing,  we were all going directly to bed tonight, right? Wrong, we were all going directly the other way, to get a drink, to go to the bathroom, to brush our teeth, again, to talk to mommy, to give mommy a hug, and a kiss, oops and another hug, and a tickle and a giggle–in short the night time was so far like the day time, that all of it’s noisiest parents insisted on it’s being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.”    But, quiet all, I think they finally, dosed off….


Grandma Dear


Wrinkled hands and skin so fair

Beautiful whitened golden hair.

A heart of gold with love so true.

She’s always taking care of you.

Never a thought for herself,

Always thinking of someone else.

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Gentle her heart, true and kind,

Her children and grandchildren on her mind.

She prayed for us so faithfully,

And now she’s gone home to be,

With her Jesus she loved so true,

And Grandpa I’m sure she’s hugging you!

Kevin and Kerry, she loved you too.

She’ll be so excited to see you.

I can almost imagine the reunion tonight.

A heavenly birthday party in flight.

Her body free from sickness and pain,

An earthly loss, a heavenly gain.

Her precious Saviour will look her in the face,

And pull her into His sweet embrace.

Her long awaited faith is sight,

She’s running and dancing at Home tonight.

Well done my faithful child, “He’ll say,

You kept the faith, you finished the race.

Now your reward is awaiting too.

Welcome home, my sweet daughter, I love you.”

Then He’ll take her by the hand

And lead her to the promised land.


With flowers dancing all around,

And heavenly music, what a beautiful sound.

Her loved ones shouting, “Hurrah, Hurrah,

You’re home at last you’re here to stay.”

What a party they’re having up there.

Her first day in heaven with her loved ones to share.

We miss you Grandma, though we could never wish you back.

For now there is nothing that you lack.

Say, “Hello” to Jesus for me.

We’ll see you soon, in eternity

And here on earth your prayers go on,

Echoing loves sweetest song.

Your love and kindness has touched us deep.

And what you sow, you will always reap.

Your harvest of love running in our heart.

Will never, never from us depart.